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Why do I hate HP customer service. LET ME COUNT THE WAYS.

This has been on my bucket list for so long. I finally decided, today, that I cannot take it anymore. I am going to share this with everyone because I know you all have similar stories and are equally frustrated, but do not have the time to do anything about it. I am going to speak on the behalf of everyone who hates the service we are getting in America, the beautiful.

The worst part of all is that most companies in America are outsourcing everything. Some of these customer service representatives can make you go from one to ten in a nanosecond. Their thinking is very concrete. Many do not have a good grasp of the English language. I believe they rely on flowcharts. If you say, “No,” they look to see what it says in the corresponding box and repeat it verbatim. They should start answering the phone, “How may I be of absolutely no assistance to you today?”

Two years ago, I sent my Special Edition HP laptop to be serviced. I really loved that computer. The hinge was coming apart, which I realize was my fault because I sometimes picked it up by the cover. I had just a few days left on my three year warranty. I got the computer back and it was working well, but five days later it completely crashed. I ended up buying a new HP laptop, which is not nearly as nice. Just recently, I sent the new one to be serviced. I made a joke to my sister that in five days, it would crash. Low and behold, that is exactly what happened. It is telling me to use my recovery disc. I just find this to be too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence.

I remember buying a three year home contract when I bought this computer. When I called for service, the representative said I did not have a contract. I read off the product number from my invoice. The service rep said that it was not a valid number. I kept calling to see if I could get a representative who could help me. They kept saying, “No, you do not have a service contract.” How about the customer is always right. How about saying they are going to check into it and get back to you. I eventually found the paperwork for the service contract. I had to register my service agreement. This must be one of their latest tricks to make money. I did not read my receipt because I was too busy and that is what they are counting on. By the time you make your first service call, you cannot remember if you bought the extended service contract or not.

Once I registered my service contract, they admitted I had a service contract. If I had not found that paperwork, I would be dead in the water. That is exactly what happened to my husband’s computer. I bought a service contract via phone and had no way of proving it when he needed technical support. I wonder how much profit they make on this little scam.

I am so sick and tired of these people repeating everything you say by using the alphabet. “A” as in Apple, “B” as in baby, etc. A call that would ordinarily take five minutes can take over an hour. I heard that they enjoy torturing us and laugh about it in the bullpen.

When I called about renewing my service agreement for my last computer, the service representative gave me a price, but I realized it did not include hardware. I said, “I did not want to pay for their HOTLINE service only.” She said, “Sorry, ma’am, you are not listening to me.” I said, “No, I get it. You want me to buy your lousy service without hardware support for the same price as I was paying for telephone and hardware support.” Honestly, I would rather break my computer over my head than talk to them. I started to realize that I was doing everything I could to avoid having to call them. My son refuses to call them. My husband does not even bother to get the service contract extended because he also refuses to talk to them. I decided from now on, I am going to use their chat line. In this way, I do not have to go through the alphabet multiple times. I wonder how many other people feel this way.

Once a customer service representative gave me instructions on how to fix my computer. I said, “Won’t this delete my programs and files?” He assured me it would not, but it would take a while. He asked me to call back when it was done. I called back and the next customer service representative said that I had deleted all my files and that there was nothing he could do about it. He said, “I am sorry.” You are not the only one who is sorry, buster!

My son’s computer was in warranty. I was told to send it to the HP Service Center. I would call to ask the status. They would say that they did have the part. After a month went by, I called to state that their service contract indicates that the computer would be sent back within 10 working days. One representative said, “Well, do you want us to send you back your computer without the part.” That was obviously not from the flowchart, just plain stupidity. It took me three months before this was resolved in a satisfactory manner and more aggravation than I have ever known. I could go on and on, but I know you have your own annoying stories.

So many Americans cannot get employment and would do a great job at this if given the opportunity. They would even be happy to accept the same salary at this point. I would be willing to pay more for the option.

I remember watching a skit on Saturday Night Live with Gilda Ratner. She was all tied up. She managed to call 911. The recording said something like this: “Touch “1” if you are being burglarized, “2” if there is a gun pointed to your head and “3” if you are getting raped.” That is about the size of customer service in America. I feel sorry for the elderly who need to make a phone call. These phone trees are getting more and more expansive. It is really bad when they cannot recognize a simple “Yes” or “No.”

Oh, by the way, HP will no longer give you a hardware contract for a laptop after three years because it was built to only last only three years. I have had to buy a new laptop every three years. Dell is no better. I hear the same complaints from my sister.

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